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| Bush-Cheney Operation Revealed Impeachable Spam? |
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FBI agents have zeroed in on an unmarked warehouse on Houston’s north side that once served as the “undisclosed location,” where Cheney commanded a $500 billion per year spam operation. The operation financed continued military attacks in the Middle East under the table, officials said. “Bush and Cheney wanted very badly to command a war, and they saw that spam would allow them to finance their war games without doing even more damage to the deficit-riddled budget,” an administration aide said. More than a thousand servers and Web crawling robots in the warehouse surfed the Internet for email addresses by the millions. More than a hundred CD burners were active 24 hours per day, seven days a week, generating email lists that would soon be battered with advertising for mortgage loans, pirated software, prescription drugs at will, and of course many ways of enhancing one’s “gentleman’s package.” News of the operation generated shock waves across America and the world. “I bought a new computer for every student at my eight-year-old’s private school with some of my savings from the Bush tax cut,” said a Wall Street stockbroker. “ Now they are being invited to party with some coeds who have cameras in their showers…” Even the world’s most despised figures chimed in with their own denunciations of the Bush administration — equating the spam operation with child molestation. “I may have lost my sunny disposition from time to time, “ hated former dictator Saddam Hussein said,“ but I could never lower myself to jamming email boxes with content unfit for the entrails of a camel — and in prison, I have to pay two cigars for every email I download..” Osama bin Laden immediately dispatched a video tape to the Al Jazir television network to condemn the action of Bush and Cheney. “You disgusting entrail-devouring jackal of cyberdom,” bin Laden greeted Bush. “You are not fit to clean the droppings of a stampede of hyenas.” The mainstream media, however was not as quick to pass judgment on Bush. A Washington Post editorial noted that spamming was the first calling in which Bush could claim some success. “It is about time that the Bush administration created some jobs, and it’s probably no coincidence that the 308,000 spammers hired by the Bush/Cheney operation in Houston just happens to match the one-time jump in employment in the March economic numbers.” Still, disgusted politicians in Washington took time from downloading pornography on government computers long enough to whisper the “I” word. “Even though our president did not lie — and he wasn’t even under oath — chances are that sending out masses amount of spam could be the equivalent of ‘having sex with that woman!” said one key GOP House leader. Bush and Cheney have managed to evade impeachment efforts so far despite the administration’s role in bringing more than 700 soldiers to their premature death in a war fought on false pretenses. Despite revelations that the nation’s top two leaders ignored multiple warnings that an attack on America was imminent, that tax cuts for the rich could lead to record deficits and that thousand of jobs were being shipped overseas by Bush donors, Bush maintained a strong appeal among voters. In a recent ABC poll, apparently taken among people confined to a maximum security facility, Bush was still winning points for being “compassionate.” Officials at the Kerry for President campaign, however, remained silent on the spam charges, opting to weigh the US reaction before charging into attack mode. Kerry, ever the considerate gentleman, continues to insist that the “best soldier” will win this fall’s election. “Old soldiers never die, “Kerry admits, “They just watch the parade go by.” |
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George W. Bush
has revealed his role in an axis of evil so low that it has earned the
combined opposition of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. The leader
of the free world reportedly told the 9/11 Commission that he failed to
pay attention to the terrorist threat in America because he and Dick Cheney
were too busy generating email “spam.”